It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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