Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
