I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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