Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
