dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
