Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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