it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
