i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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