Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
