can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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