When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
