dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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