Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
