That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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