dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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