I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
