I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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