LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
