She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize