either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize