cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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