my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
