So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize