"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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