do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
