the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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