He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize