You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
