Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
