It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The feeling are messing with the penis
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
