dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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