when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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