Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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