Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
