are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
