he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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