we're blogging at a bar
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
