went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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