it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
