Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
