It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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