just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
