Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
