According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
