Got a toothbrush?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
