At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
