you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
