All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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