i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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