just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
