I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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