Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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