Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
