Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
