A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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