dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
