Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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