well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
