The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
