I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
