i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
