im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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