I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
