I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
