And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
